


We're Going To Regret This

by lisakodysam



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Humour, Multi, Sexual Content, Slash, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-25
Updated: 2011-05-25
Packaged: 2017-10-19 19:11:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisakodysam/pseuds/lisakodysam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three young Wardens at Vigil's Keep have a little too much to drink and retire to bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Going To Regret This

"The King was going to be away for several months, so he wanted to ensure the Queen's loyalty while he was gone..." Anders related to his Commander, Leigh Mahariel, who sat next to him at the dining table; and to Nate, who sat next to Leigh.

"...So he went to this mad inventor bloke he knew, and told him to devise an absolutely failsafe chastity belt," the mage continued. "The inventor told him to give him a few days." Anders stopped for a moment to take another gulp of ale. All three of them had been drinking steadily into the night, long after everyone else at Vigil's Keep had retired.

"Ah!" he exhaled, burped loudly, then continued his tale. "So the inventor sends for the King when it's ready. The King examines the chastity belt, which looks pretty much like any other, except for a large hole where...you know," he said with a grin, and a lascivious wink at his Commander. Leigh grinned and rolled her eyes.

"So the King asks him what he's playing at," Anders continued with an animated shrug. "'Ah!' cried the inventor. 'I think you will find this no ordinary chastity belt, Your Majesty,' he said proudly. The inventor takes a piece of wood, about this big," Anders indicated approximately six inches with his hands. "He places it in the hole, and…POW!" he shouted, causing Nate, who had started to nod off, to curse loudly and sit up, rubbing his eyes.

"Two tiny little blades appeared," Anders continued, "and chopped the wood in half!"

Anders sat up straight and began gesticulating with his hands. "So, the King, delighted with the chastity belt, fits it to the Queen, and heads off into battle," he continued. "He returns several months later, and immediately lines up all of his Knights for an inspection. He tells them to drop their trousers." Anders paused for dramatic effect.

"And?" Leigh said impatiently.

"And," Anders said slowly, "sure enough, almost every one of the Knights had half of their knobs missing…except for one!" he said dramatically, raising his index finger. "The King's most valiant and trusted Knight, whose gentlemen's jewels were just as nature intended. The King told the Knight he would grant him any boon he wished…"

"I've heard this one before," Nate interrupted. "The Knight was unable to reply, as half of his tongue was missing."

Leigh snickered while Anders folded his arms and pouted. "I was just getting into my stride, then, Howe!" he moaned. "And I haven't heard any dirty jokes from _you_ ," he said emphatically, leaning over Leigh and jabbing Nate's arm with his finger.

"A gentleman would not lower himself to tell ribald jokes in public," Nate slurred, his eyes half-closed.

"We're not in public, you pillock!" Anders cried. "Come on," he challenged. "Leigh and I have provided all the entertainment, and you've just sat there dozing off. And ruining people's jokes," he added sulkily.

"All right," Nate replied, sitting up straight. "I don't know any dirty jokes," he confessed, facing Leigh, "but I will ask you this: have you ever had a beautiful and exotic bird of paradise sit atop your shoulder?"

"Erm, not to my knowledge," Leigh replied, a little bemused.

"And have you ever had a majestic eagle perched on your arm?" Nate asked.

"No…" she replied warily.

"Open your mouth," Nate instructed. Leigh complied, and Nate leaned in closer to examine her mouth.

"I bet you've had a cockatoo in there," he concluded.

Leigh gasped melodramatically, before she and Anders collapsed into fits of laughter. "I can't believe you said the word 'cock!'" Leigh howled, barely able to get her words out. Anders was laughing so hard, he snorted like a pig each time he took a breath. Even Nate, who rarely laughed at his own quips, broke into a giggle. It was several minutes before the three of them composed themselves. Anders reached over and shook Nate's hand.

"So, you didn't answer him," Anders said to Leigh with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"No, I didn't," she giggled.

"Well, if you ever have trouble remembering, darling, I'd be happy to help you out," he offered generously.

"I bet you would," Leigh replied. "You know, Anders, one of these days I'm going to call your bluff and take you up on one of your offers. I bet you'd run a mile."

"I bet I wouldn't," he said intently, edging closer to her. "How about I offer to kiss you? Take me up on that."

Leigh laughed. "You wouldn't," she teased. "Not in front of Nate."

At the mention of his name, Nate once again snapped awake. "What did I miss?" he asked sleepily.

"Watch this, Howe," Anders instructed, leaning over and grasping Leigh's face, turning her toward him.

"You wouldn't dare…" she gasped. "You…" her words became muffled as Anders' lips smothered hers. Nathaniel sat watching with his mouth hanging open. Just how much have I had to drink? he wondered in amazement.

Leigh pulled away, panting. Anders still hovered next to her mouth. "You taste delicious," he mumbled lustily. They stared at each other for a moment. Anders moved closer and parted her lips with his tongue. She didn't resist this time and moaned into his mouth as he pulled her into a passionate embrace.

Nate gawked at them, suddenly aware that his breathing had quickened. I shouldn't be watching this, he thought, placing his hands on the arms of the chair, intending to stand and leave. The sudden warmth imbuing his loins overruled his common sense, however, and instructed him to remain seated.

Anders released her lips and blazed kisses down her neck, his free hand kneading her hip and travelling down to her thigh. "We shouldn't," she gasped. "We're going to regret this."

"Regret what?" Anders asked with mock indignation as he slowly licked up the side of her neck, causing her to moan loudly. "You're being a little presumptuous, aren't you?" he teased, moving from his chair and kneeling on the floor between her legs. Taking the hem of her skirt, he moved it up past her knees and pushed her legs apart, pulling her down onto his lap. She instantly felt his hardness through his robe.

"Nate, give me a hand here, will you?" he asked his fellow Warden, who was now fully awake and alert. After a moment's hesitation, Nate left his chair and knelt on the floor behind Leigh, moving the chair out of the way. As Anders devoured her mouth, Nate slipped his arms around her waist and softly nibbled at the nape of her neck, making her shudder and throw her head back.

Both men went to work on her neck, Anders sucking and softly biting at her throat, whilst Nate kissed and nibbled at her nape, his hands roaming beneath her blouse, just grazing the base of her breasts. Leigh took her hands off Anders and brought her arms behind her, grabbing at Nate's hair, pushing her breasts outwards, encouraging him to touch them.

Nate understood, growling into her hair as he pushed his hands underneath her breastband and slowly ran them along her tiny, pert breasts. He felt Anders' hands at work as the mage began to undo her blouse. "So soft," Nate whispered into her ear. "So perfect. Just as I've always imagined."

"You…imagine me?" she asked shakily.

"Oh, yes," the rogue murmured against her cheek. "More than you realise."

Leigh's blouse was pulled open, and Anders sighed at the sight of her. Both men helped to remove her blouse and breastband, and Anders lowered her to the floor, where they lay on either side of her, stroking and kissing a breast each. "We shouldn't…" she panted, "do this…"

"We most assuredly should not," Nate agreed, moving up to her mouth and taking her in a hungry, wet kiss. Anders obligingly moved aside as Nate climbed on top of her, and watched approvingly as Howe's hips began to move involuntarily against hers.

"I think we should continue this elsewhere," Anders stated, momentarily coming to his senses, "before Oghren comes down for a midnight snack. He might want to join in, as well."

That brought them all to their senses. Nate withdrew and helped Leigh to her feet. Anders retrieved her blouse and wrapped it around her shoulders. Leigh gathered it in her hands to cover herself up. "Whose room is the nearest?" Anders asked.

"Mine," replied Leigh.

"I thought you didn't want to do this," Nate teased softly, pushing aside a stray strand of hair from her face as he took her lips in his once more.

"I-I'm not sure," she mumbled, breaking the kiss, swaying in Nate's arms as her lust overwhelmed her senses. "I'm not sure of anything anymore."

They made their way to Leigh's bedroom as quietly as they could. She entered first, closely followed by Nate. Anders lit a few candles around the room. He was startled by the sudden slamming of the door, as Nate pushed Leigh against it and threw her blouse to the floor. He ran his hands down her body and pushed her skirt down, taking her smallclothes with it, and roughly pulled her close, taking her in a fierce kiss.

Anders' breathing became heavier as he watched them, and he felt his erection strain against his clothing. He hastily removed his robe and smallclothes, tossing them to the floor, and walked over to them. He placed his hand on Nate's shoulder, who was by now grunting into her mouth.

"Don't be greedy, Howe," he remonstrated. Nate groaned and withdrew as he began to remove his own clothing. Leigh stood with her eyes closed, dazed and barely able to stand. Anders scooped up her tiny body in his arms and carried her over to the bed, setting her down gently. He stood at the edge of the bed and removed his hairband, shaking his golden tresses loose.

"You look so different," she purred softly as the mage climbed onto the bed. He gazed into her eyes and stroked her face. "Maker, you're beautiful," he murmured softly, brushing his mouth against hers. Her breath came out in a shudder as she surrendered herself to his lips. Nate joined them on the bed and wrapped himself around her, whispering into her ear as Anders continued his assault on her lips. Leigh rolled onto her back and gazed up at both of them, stroking their faces and grinning. "I still don't think we should be doing this," she laughed.

"This is your last chance to change your mind," Anders teased, casting a surreptitious glance at Howe's cock. "Bloody hell, Nate!" he cried, his mouth hanging open. Leigh pushed herself up onto her elbows and admired Nate's impressive member, biting her lip coquettishly as she reached over to touch it.

"Oh, Nate…" she purred. "...I have to have that in my mouth."

Nate groaned and slumped back onto the bed as Leigh got onto all fours between his legs and set to work with her tongue. Anders cheekily nibbled at Nate's nipple, causing the rogue's eyes to fly open. "Anders?" he cried in dismay as the mage winked up at him. Nate soon forgot his alarm as Leigh's mouth closed around his length, and he sank back once again, his eyes firmly closed. Anders ran his fingers through Nate's hair then grabbed it, roughly pulling Nate's neck back, and peppering it with bites and kisses. Nate's body began an internal argument with itself. "This is wrong," he argued, not sure of who he was trying to convince. "So very wrong…"

Anders pulled away, chuckling. Nate barely noticed, so lost was he to Leigh's ministrations. Anders slid down the bed, nodded for Leigh to move aside, and took over. Leigh discreetly slid off the bed, covering her mouth with her hands to suppress a giggle as Anders took Nate fully into his mouth and began pumping with his hand. "Oh, Leigh!" cried Nate, his one hand slamming onto the bed, his other grabbing 'Leigh's' hair. "Oh, you're…s-so good at this…"

Leigh moved round to the other side of the bed and hopped on, running her fingers down Nate's chest and nibbling at his ear. Nate, desperate for purchase, grabbed onto Leigh's shoulder. His shoulders are very narrow, he thought, his brow creasing. He opened his eyes momentarily and looked into Leigh's eyes, horror slowly forming on his face. "Don't think about it, Nate," she whispered, grabbing his hair and pushing her breasts against his face. Nate grimaced and moaned loudly as both revulsion and arousal swept through him. Surrendering to the arousal, he took one of Leigh's nipples into his mouth and sucked hard, crying out against her skin as Anders completed his skilful work, and took Nate's seed down the back of his throat.

As Nate lay spent and depleted on the bed, Anders sat up on his knees and dusted his hands off in a self-congratulatory gesture. "I am so good at that!" he said cockily. "His own words!" he protested as Leigh shook her head. Anders eyed Leigh lustily as he climbed over Nate, positioning himself between her legs. "And what does our fearless leader taste like?" he wondered.

Leigh closed her eyes and exhaled as Anders' hand ran down the inside of her thigh and parted her moist folds, gently stroking her swollen nub. He removed his hand and brought his fingers up to his lips, savouring her taste. "Mmm…" he growled.

Nate had started to come to, and propped himself up on his elbow, reaching over to stroke her breasts as Anders moved down the bed, nestling in between her thighs. As he plunged his tongue inside her, Nate's mouth closed around her left nipple, his hand pinching and grabbing the right. "I love you two!" she cried, grabbing their hair as her back arched and she positioned Anders against her clit. "There!" she yelled, "Oh, Maker…!"

Nate kissed her greedily as his fingers continued to pinch and twist her nipple, at the same time Anders' rough tongue lapped away at her. Her breath hitched as she felt her completion nearing. "Anders!" she cried wildly. "Inside me, now!"

Anders immediately withdrew and clambered up her body, his eyes ablaze with lust. "Whatever you say, Commander," he growled as he fully penetrated her in one stroke. His buttocks clenched tightly as he vigorously rammed her further down into the bed with each thrust. Nate felt himself stir again as he watched her muscles tense and she dug her nails into Anders' back as she came, hard, screaming.

Leigh's cry of ecstasy was all Anders needed to speed him to his own completion, and his body bucked and spasmed as he poured his cum into her. He collapsed on top of her, almost smothering her tiny body, and propped himself onto an elbow to allow her to breathe. "Andraste's tits!" he panted.

"We are so going to regret this in the morning," Leigh laughed as she wrapped her arms around her two lovers.

"Well," said Nate. "If we are going to regret it, we may as well make it worthwhile."

"I couldn't agree more with you, my friend," Anders remarked, gently withdrawing from Leigh. "May I?" he asked Nate as he reached over to touch his cock, and cast a Regenerate spell on Nate's member, which instantly hardened at his touch.

"Yes, we may as well," Leigh smiled wickedly, beckoning Nate over to her.


End file.
